Confused about life so I made this blank. I don't know-- it makes me feel better. Maybe I'll post stuff and maybe you'll see it on your dashboard. Just maybe. I bet I could say whatever here and no one would read it. I could spill all my of secrets and it wouldn't matter because no one would read it. Isn't that a strange concept to have all your secrets viewable to the world but no one reading them. Alright I'm going to spill a secret but its only going to be minor. I watch Gossip Girl. There I said it. GOD it feels so good to get that off my chest.

I recently realized that I'm probably a very large dyslexic. Man that explains so much.

Today I realized I'm not really good at anything. I mean yeah I like to take photos but honestly what am I going to do with that? I'm no good at graphic design and I know that I'm just doing it because I'm quite certain I'm would fail out of college if I had to take a lot of classes that made me think too hard because I'm not that smart. I like to bake but I have to read recipes over and over and over because I know my retarded dyslexic brain will read it wrong. I also like math but what do I do with that? I mean I don't even like math its boring I just get it more then other things. I love bible classes but there is zero money in anything that has to do with bible plus I can't write papers for shit so theres the whole failing out of college thing again. What ever shall I do with my life?

Never realized how much I talk with my hands until today.

I watched this Angelina Jolie movie today and it makes me sad. Movies were the two lovers just love each other so much that they are willing to sacrifice everything for one another. But they never end up together. Someone is married or lives somewhere else or goes somewhere for a job WHATEVER. It makes me sad because I'm here and he is there. I can't help but to think that if I died in a week I'd be PISSED that I didn't spend every waking second that I could with the love of my life. So what does that say about where I am now?

I'm not really proud of anything I have ever done. I kinda hate everything I do. And I kinda hate everything that I am.

Funniest thing, I've been watching two vampire shows a lot. Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel. And I actually learned something about myself watching watching. Strange right? Anyways I learned that I have learned to shut down my emotions almost completely. Because I've learned that to feel is to feel pain but to not to feel is to be numb. I'm realizing that being in pain is better than being numb, I think. But I don't want to feel pain. I would much rather feel numb. But this is the part in the show where everyone is cheering "LAUREN YOU CAN DO IT YOU CAN FEEL IT WILL BE BETTER" but I don't want to.